I was, let’s see…seven at the time? Eight? 1925, so I guess… eight. I was eight and my brother Ronny, he was ten or thereabouts. Miranda was just five. I do remember that, because that’s as old as she got. We lived at the coast then, we’d just moved there some months before so Daddy could work the docks in Astoria.
So that day, this one day out playing by the water and we were playing hide and go seek. Ronny was it and he found me right away, but Miranda hid so good we couldn’t find her at all and it was coming on dark and the two of us figured she’d headed the two blocks or so back to the house to hide there and we went on home. There was this rundown old shack of a thing at the beach there, I should tell you that straight out. And come to find out when she didn’t come home and all the men of the neighborhood go out looking for her with lanterns lit and calling her name, Miranda! Miranda! And Mama rushing through the streets too, the women too rushing around, calling Miranda! Miranda! Well, that girl had gone and wiggled herself into a hole underneath that shack, and must have fell asleep there waiting for us to find her and then the tide come in.
None of us were much for the water after that and we never did any of us learn to swim. But my mother had another daughter after that, another girl with red hair and blue eyes, so it all worked out alright.
Posted by cari at February 5, 2008 12:14 AMWow--a lot is communicated, with a lot of strong images, in this short piece. I love the way it so simply states: "I do remember that, because that's as old as she got."--Haunting. That's the voice here--haunting, in the way of Carson McCullers.
Posted by: nstssjNot sure where you're going with this, but I would turn the page and keep reading.
Posted by: KatieOh!!!!!
Posted by: CarmenOy.
Posted by: Mary K. in RockportI like how the long sentences with sparse commas give the sense of the long, rambling thoughts of the speaker -- like she is trying to remember it all.
And, at the risk of this coming out wrong, I like how daddy working on the docks, the language use, and how mother had another girl so it all worked out alright all come together to form a simplicity of mindset that I know I imagine when I think of olden, blue-collar times. Life is hard, but we get through.
Posted by: beckyI'm loving these little quick reads - it makes me very anxious for the next one!
Posted by: RebeccaReally strong, compelling voice in this. So much packed into so few words!
Posted by: beverlyI'm lovin' these. I would seriously read a bookful of 1-2 pagers like this.
Posted by: SandraAnother set of intriguing characters! You nailed the voice! It was like I wasn't even reading but listening to someone talk. I'd love to find out this family's sordid secrets. ;)
Posted by: AnnaWow.
Posted by: FaithAwesome! More more!
Posted by: KimThat last line is chilling, "...so it all worked out alright."
What a way to sum up a tragedy. I also noticed that you never mention the speaker's sex, but I have a feeling he's male and I don't like him.
Do I even need to tell you I think it's good?
Posted by: LaurieMI love the voice of this character. The narrative flow is also wonderful-reading it is effortless. I hope you'll develop this fragment further!
Posted by: Jenoooooo! I would turn the page. Your fragments leave me wanting more.
Posted by: JanetWow...keep it coming! I hope you enjoy these exercises and much as I enjoy reading them.
Posted by: KnittrippsLoved you r fragment. It was like the voice of it had a distinct dialect.
Posted by: Marthathis is great!
Posted by: meganWow. I hope you keep sharing it!
Posted by: CettaLove this. But unlike the commenter above, I felt as though this was a girl talking...don't know why. In fact, you'd think with the "it turned out alright" I'd think it was a boy.
Good stuff.
Posted by: Sarah RWow, just wow, and, more, please.
Posted by: OtterBeautiful and haunting...
Posted by: AmandaGreat voice. My anticipation was tentative until near the end because I didn't trust that she could keep track of a subject. Well done. More, more.
Posted by: AngieOh. That's so sad.
Posted by: Riin"...because that's as old as she got." Oooof.
Posted by: LizbonLove. It.
Posted by: MeganWow!
Posted by: Just SusanHow sad. Makes me want to hold onto my babies and never let them go.
Posted by: MicheleWow...I gasped out loud. I want to read what comes next.
Posted by: Minneapolismama